10 Tips For Coping With The New Lockdown Measures

LOL

We’re fucked. I didn’t think we were before but now I do. I really do. I made the absolutely shameful mistake of taking a peak at Instagram and people in many other developed countries are literally eating in pubs, getting their hair done, not living under the constant threat of police state, vaccine scarcity, DEATH and the total collapse of the healthcare system. 

Once when I was at a voting booth this little old woman turned to me and asked ‘Which candidate is Doug Ford?” to which I replied ‘Please don’t talk to me.’ I used to feel pretty bad about this but now I do not. You boned us little old lady, I hope you enjoyed your Buck-A-Beer or whatever the fuck. 

All this being said. Here are some ways to cope with the never ending nonsensical murderous classist pandemic response that plagues us all.

Scream 

Just do it. Who cares. Your neighbors will understand.

Start a fight with your partner 

Yeah you’re upset about things that are not at all their fault in any way shape or form. While you should be getting closer to one another through your shared rage, a good way to take your mind off of things is to put your mind onto different things.  

Sorrow Order Garlic Bread 

You can have bread. That summer beach bod is legally not allowed to be observed by others under these new measures. Nothing matters, get the dips too fuck it. 

Call Your Conservative Family Member and Hang Up When They Answer The Phone 

Do it all night. Make a pattern so they can predict it and then switch up the intervals. Keep em on their toes. 

Order Another Pair of Slacks Online 

Green, Brown, Black, my motto is you can never have enough of slacks!

Make a Mood Board and Manifest A Brighter Future 

Right now mine just says ‘don’t get covid’ ‘don’t give anyone covid’ and ‘slacks’ over a photo of 90’s era Skeet Ulrich. 

Read the Replies 

I generally don’t recommend this because people on the internet are the worst existing ghouls, but we have all collectively joined the same team at this point and its cathartic to watch people bully the Conversative Leaders responsible for this absolute fucking catastrophe. 

Go Outside Anyway 

I am all for measures. I am all for masks, but transmission from outside is low. People exercising or walking are not super spreading this thing all over town. When I leave the house, I am safe. I treat others respectfully and give them space. I will absolutely lose my mind if I’m not able to exercise or go on a walk. The threat of a 750 dollar fine looms, which is big for an out of work person who writes a blog that no one reads. But I’m doing it anyway. 

Do 15 Bicep Curls and Look At Photos Of Sarah Connor 

No explanation needed. 

Protect The Racialized and  Marginalized People that will be for sure Disproportionally Targeted By Police For Their Newly Legal Random Checks 

Record, intervene, use your privilege in any way you can if you see this kind of shit happening.

Our Government is trying to police their way out of a pandemic. What else could we expect from Doug Ford, the answer to the question, what if the feeling of cleaning someone else’s urine from a toilet seat were a person. 

Do your best, stay tough and share any tips you have for managing in these most trying times. 

Lockdown Blues, 5 Little Things I Do To Cope

So here in Ontario we’re smack back into another lockdown, or stay at home order, or whatever. We’ve been in this for the better part of like 7 months. Haircuts, patios and gyms have all been out of the question for a while, however the bumbling sentient Tim Horton’s honey cruller that governs our province gave us a dollop of fresh hope two weeks ago, leading many of us to believe that the end was in fact in sight. ALAS, today there are 4k cases, overrun ICUs and we are back at square one. No patios, no haircuts, no vaccines for front line workers, no structured vaccine rollout plan, just pure unadulterated clownery. 

So it begs the question, how do we stay positive when it feels like the levy is about break. Every person managing throughout this pandemic is living their own unique dour existence be it couples quarantining in eachother’s assholes or parents having to work a full time job as well as ensure their kid is learning via online instruction. 

I haven’t worked since December 13th when I finished a 3 month long background job on Good Witch Season 7 (best job ever by the way and I miss Middleton with my whole entire heart everyday) and being out of work is its own fresh hell. 

We all have our unique challenges with this pandemic but we have one thing in common, we are all just trying to cope. The horizon looks grey and bleak, and the uncertainty weighs heavy on our minds and shoulders. 

So I’ve made a little list of things that might be helpful when it comes to keeping our spirits high and the noose from our necks. 

Sleeping

Just do it. Do it as much as you want. Spend money to make it comfortable and cozy and really indulge in it. Our waking hours are so full of stress that we need z’s to repair and restore our minds and bodies, readying us for another day in the plague. 

Exercising 

I know. It’s shitty to say exercise when most of us barely have the mental energy to make coffee but every article, website, tweet, youtube vid, book and conversation with my roommate recommends it. I get it, it’s hard and uncomfortable and vulnerable but once you get over the hump of the first day it’s easier. The benefits are almost instantaneous and something nice to look forward to is looking hot in public if we are ever allowed to be there again.

Treating Yourself without Spending Money

Watch a garbage show (I recommend Blown Away, there is a bad boy of glass blowing and things *heat up*) listen to music you used to enjoy when you were younger or more emotional (The Used) put on a hot outfit and dance in the mirror pretending you’re at studio 54 (personal fav) mix all of the remnants of remaining alcohol in your house into one fun disgusting cocktail, nap in the daytime, pet a dog, take a long hot shower, whatever your little treat to yourself is, do it. Just do it. Who cares anymore. 

Looking At A Map?

Okay this one sounds insane but you are a broken person if you do not find maps interesting. I can look at a map for hours. I can look at a map and then see a little place, google that little place and learn about it. I can do this for a considerable amount of time. Traveling is off limits right now, but once we kick this thing it will open again and a lot of places will be horny as hell for tourism. So start peeking and planning. 

Watching A Movie Where People Are Way Worse Off than You 

May I suggest Melancholia? Or perhaps Titanic? The world is not ending it just feels like it is right now but it’s not. Take heart, things may feel bad but you aren’t plunging to your death from the decks of the Titanic and that is something to be grateful for 🙂

Buying A Little Thing

Buy yourself some dumb little thing that you want. I currently have ROLLERBLADES in my cart on amazon. Forget about being good and make yourself feel nice. If we’re stuck in the house for four more weeks why not try to make them fun.

Time is moving faster and stranger than ever and even if things feel terrible in our day to day, its still important to hug our lives and be grateful. It looks bleak and ugly but things can’t be bad all of the time. There is always balance.

If you’re struggling I’m right there with you, but hopefully this helps 🙂