If you’ve been reading this blog since I started it (hi dad) then you should know how much I despise Instagram now that I am off it. In my latest YouTube video I share with you all of the ways my life has improved since I deleted it and all of the things I have more time for.
If you’re thinking about deleting it, do it. Life is better without it š
I woke up in a bad mood the other day because the weather had lost its mind. It was -4 and raining. These types of mornings can ruin any kind of momentum you have for a day. I hate that my mood is beholden to the weather so I tried my best to lean into the feelings of doom and gloom and came out with a little video.
Enjoy,
xx
Haters rejoice! If your appetite for jokes at my expense simply cannot be sated through this blog alone- today is your lucky day. I’ve started a YouTube account for all of my feats and foibles. On this channel you will be able to see me endeavour to become a healthy, happy, successful person.
Having a growth mindset is important so if you’re a reader of this blog hopefully you will grow with me and not cringe too much as I figure it all out.
xx
We are living through a truly challenging time and getting out of bed most days is a real feat. If youāre unemployed during this mess you know how long and hopeless the days can feel.
Here are my tips for staying tough and motivated and not giving into the ever present desire to eat sunchips in bed with a blanket over the curtains because it isnāt dark enough.
Shower
Showering in the morning is a reset and when you feel like shit and as though nothing matters anyway, itās easy to let this fall to the wayside. This is the simplest most important part of my routine because it makes me feel clean and ready even if all I am doing is wallowing in my own depression.
Hydrate
Drink water. Drink tea. Drink drink drink. Feeling like shit is almost always exacerbated by dehydration. Headaches, digestive issues and brain function are often side effects of dehydration. If you canāt find the energy to eat, forcing down water will help.
Be Gentle With Yourself
Itās hard. Allow yourself to feel and be whichever way you want to without judging yourself for it.
Exercise
Iām going to say it in every post forever. Exercising is the number one way to feel better about yourself and your life. Anything counts. Just move. I try to hike every day and though itās hard to do, I always feel better after.
Keep Consistency
Yes youāre out of a job but that doesnāt mean you donāt have a routine. Make a routine for the day and keep consistency with it. There are going to be days when you do not want to do it, but do it anyway at 20% instead of 100%. You donāt have to love what youāre doing, you just have to do it.
These are the main tips that have helped me. Of course they may or may not work for you. There are times when I find it difficult to take my own advice, but I try and it helps.
What are some of your tips for keeping your head above water when the blues get you?
Comment below.
I still have Twitter. I still use Twitter. I canāt stop using Twitter. Itās one of the cruelest places you can exist on the internet. Itās a place where everyone is trying to be funny and no one is above punching up down or sideways. If you have an opinion there is some there to tell you it is wrong.
I am luckily not funny enough to have a large following and not controversial enough to be trolled daily (have been trolled before, feels bad)
The trouble I run into on Twitter are the innocuous āI have some newsā tweets. The ones where people humblebrag about their good news. Although intentions arenāt nefarious and these people should be sharing their amazing news, one canāt help but feel alienated by a strangerās success. I read a tweet the other day that said āBabyās first magazine cover!ā and thought to myself āDamn, I havenāt reached that milestone yet.ā Like what? As if that is a totally normal milestone most people achieve?
I quit Instagram for many reasons- it made me shop, it made me stare at photoshopped images of perfect women, it made me feel like my life just wasnāt worthy enough. This is a trend.Ā
‘Empirical evidence has been found regarding the positive relationship between social media use and social comparison. For instance,Ā de Vries and KĆ¼hne (2015)Ā conducted a survey study among young adults in the Netherlands, and demonstrated that higher intensity of Facebook use was associated with more social comparison. A similar relationship was also found in a study of Instagram, demonstrating that social media can predict individual differences in social comparison orientation and behavior (Stapleton et al., 2017). A systematic review of social media use in health care showed that patients use social media to compare themselves with other patients to find out how ābadā their health conditions are and how well the treatments work (Smailhodzic et al., 2016).’ – The Effects of Instagram Use, Social Comparison, and Self-Esteem on Social Anxiety: A Survey Study in Singapore
āIf Facebook demonstrates that everyone is boring and Twitter proves that everyone is awful, Instagram makes you worry that everyone is perfect ā except you.ā – Alex Hern, The GuardianĀ
Self comparison is bad for a lot of reasons- it doesn’t actually help you achieve more, it ruins your sense of self and you’re usually using inaccurate information (edited selfies, celebratory tweets that don’t mention the 10 years of failure prior)
Itās hard to feel motivated in a Pandemic and itās even harder to feel satisfied. Other peopleās lives seem so together. Other people seem to be handling things properly.
I have found that self comparison stops tenfold when I’m away from social media. When I spend time with people I am not on my phone. I stay away from Twitter and the time away is a welcome reprieve. The smartest people I know do not use that site. When you arenāt inundated with what everyone else is doing, itās incredible how fast your own self esteem starts to heal. When you look at your life it doesnāt seem quite so inadequate.Ā
Is it weak to admit that youāre vulnerable to these little deaths by comparison? Maybe yes. But maybe there is some strength in knowing what you need to fix and setting to work to fix it. Social media isnāt going anywhere. People have whole careers on these platforms. You can either take part and feel bad or disassociate and step back. I am always for healthy social media breaks and for testing my own mettle to see what I am capable of. What little challenges I can overcome and I often surprise myself.
Iāve never read an article or watched a video where a person takes a social media break and doesnāt feel better at the end of it. Have you?
We arenāt supposed to be privy to this many peopleās thoughts and opinions. We arenāt supposed to be this influenced by this many strangers.
So I invite you to take a break. I am going to be. I use Twitter every single day and itās the first thing I do when I wake up. This cannot be healthy. I am going to take a break from Twitter and from being influenced by other people.
Shifting the focus back to you and your life.
Here are the things Iāll be doing instead.
Working out
When Iām sad I workout about it. It takes time and energy and you only leave it feeling good.
Reading News Not on The App
I caved and got a subscription to the New York Times. I read once that the NYT has a higher reading level than most other print journalism so maybe this will make me smarter too?
Hikes in The Woods
In Toronto the weather is getting warmer and a podcast on my hike in the woods is one of the best feelings. Have you listened to Con Queen? Itās on spotify. Absolutely fascinating stuff.
Getting a Job
LOL the time has come to get some little email job to occupy my brain and hands with so I donāt just think and consume social media all day.
Movie WatchingĀ
I just watched Jackie Brown for the first time the other day and wow. It feels shameful to have lived 33 years without seeing it.Ā
Stretching
If I spent as much time stretching as I do reading tweets about Donald Trump I would be a bendy beautiful goddess. Stretching feels good.
Learning about MoneyĀ
I am a GIRLBOSS who is in Ketosis and DEBT. Time to get my act together. Time to understand what in godās name a mutual fund is.
Seeing FriendsĀ
This is the number one best way to feel good about life. To get off that damn phone and remember why youāre alive. Hangout with the friends who see you for you and love you for it. Listen to their jokes and their accomplishments and feel yourself feel happy for them. It helps.
Practicing Gratitude
Are you warm right now? Have you had any coffee? Try to remember how insanely lucky you are for the life you do have even if you donāt have a massive Kim Kardashian dump truck ass.
Life is hard enough, let us take a break from the things that make it even worse.
What are some of your tips for dealing with social comparison? Let me know below.
We all know that spending a large sum on a little skincare treat often feels like a big warm hug on a rainy day. This feeling is precisely why the skincare industry is thriving. Skin is in and the trend is not going anywhere.
When so much of our lives feel out of control, taking our makeup off at the end of the day and luxuriating in the skincare routine thereafter can really feel like a true joy.
I am a person who is wholly a victim to my environment. I need things to feel pleasing and look pleasing and for this reason an expensive and elaborate skincare routine can really feel like pampering.
However Iāve tried tons of products and always come back to the simplest and most effective routine for me. Though itās not luxury, there are small things you can do to get excited for your drugstore skincare routine.Ā
RepotĀ
This is the single most important trick I use to take the experience of my drugstore skincare routine from austere to opulent. You can find vintage or modern glass screw top jars on etsy or amazon.
We all know that the right packaging for your products ups the experience tenfold so why not take your boring plastic Cerave Bottle and repot into a nice jar. Just be sure itās airtight and washable.Ā
Change the LightingĀ
Yes you live in a small and shabby apartment but there are plenty of tricks to make your bathroom feel like a spa. A small salt lamp nightlight can change your entire shower and skincare experience. The pink glow is cozy and the salt lamp itself has healing properties.Ā
Organize your bathroom
Nothing feels expensive or luxurious in clutter. Declutter your unused makeup, toiletries, cleaners and skincare. Simplify your space and your routine will feel more lavish.
Be DiscerningĀ
Masks and scrubs can seem like a wonderful way to treat your skin but thereās a lot of research suggesting otherwise. Having a simple, inexpensive and natural skincare routine not only helps your skin but it helps the environment as well. Go with what works for you and save your money when it comes to fancy products with tons of ingredients
Facial MassageĀ
French women swear by this and they are universally lauded for their skincare efforts. Whether this stereotype is earned or a myth you have to admit a lot of people turn to the french when it comes to skincare. Massaging your face properly when you use products not only helps the skin absorb the nutrients more deeply, it is relaxing. If you give your face a little massage each time you slather on, you set your skin up for a better day.
These are my tips and I find that they work. After years of products that break me out and money wasted, simply making the routine feel more luxurious keeps me from splurging on new skincare all the time. Money saved and skin glowing. What more could you want?
Tonight my depression has reached a harrowing new low.
I waited until the sun set, poured myself a glass of no frills wine and turned on Fifty Shades Freed.
I am at a weak point I will admit. I thought it might be nice to turn my overactive brain off for two hours while just stuffing it full of horny imagery. Not surprising, I feel worse.
What can really be said about this movie at this point (3 years after it came out?)
Iām 31 minutes in and they have had sex three times, gotten jealous of colleagues and hired staff twice, alluded to a dangerous man subplot (that I have no context for having not seen the first two) and disagreed about children the night after returning from their honeymoon (a conversation best had *before* you legally chain yourself to another person)
I am one glass of wine in and Iām not having fun. For a handsome millionaire Dom, Christian is pretty cucky, seems insecure too. Not great.
Annastasia is more likeable because Dakota Johnson is an angel. Her friend just asked her to have drinks and she has to convince her bodyguard to let her go and not to tell her husband. The idea of a man caring where I am is very nice, but not like this. Never like this.
Okay I am pouring my second glass of wine. I usually donāt drink very much but I keep reading about the benefits of wine and also Ontario is still more locked down than Christian Greyās wife (50 Shades joke) so this is how I am coping today.
Ok her friend is telling her that Christian lied to her and also convincing her to get more drinks. To have a drink with a friend in a bar. What a joy. Dakota better stick around and indulge in this simple pleasure.
She just said āIām gonna get in so much troubleā because sheās staying out and having another drink. This movie could be an allegory for Doug Fordās oppressive and nonsensical measures. He is our Christian Grey.
Christian called her 6 times in a row. Her bodyguard ratted her out to her husband and now heās pissed that she went out for drinks. Is this supposed to be hot?
Sheās home now and the lights wonāt go on. Thereās a random man with a knife?? He has it to her throat, perhaps another allegory for living in Doug Fordās Ontario.
The bodyguards have upended the assailant. They asked Annastasia for handcuffs and surprise surprise she has them. Cheeky!
Christian is mad at her, she just woke up and heās there and heās PISSED. If I had a husband it would bring me immense joy to piss him off all the time. Heās doing sulky avoiding stuff now though. He just sexually rejected her. Wow a high price to pay for having drinks.
50 minutes in and weāve finally reached the sex dungeon. This dude has jeans on and is putting a vibrator on her boobs. Should I ask my doctor about SSRIās finally?
These people in this movie are very toxic. I myself am trying not to be toxic. Thatās why I write this blog and go for walks everyday and exercise and listen to health podcasts and give my relationship tons of healthy space and read books and delete instagram and cuddle with cat and honestly, I just donāt feel today that these efforts are enough. I have been a good girl (unlike Annastasia Steele) and the world feels like oppressive and denim clad (much like Christian Grey)
Christian Grey is playing cuck anthem Maybe Iām Amazed by less cool Beatle (sorry dad but you know Iām for John) and Rita Ora is shocked that he is playing out loud. Now theyāre in the bath. I tried to take a bath the other day hoping it would magically cure the malaise, like I could drain it with the water. Not so.
I think he just put like… apple juice on her thigh. Apple juice is so high in sugar, have you ever noticed? Anastassia wonāt be the only one coming (ants)
Now theyāre having super regular looking sex on a table in a chalet.
His brother just said āChristian never criesā which I find gross and unsettling. Everyone in this movie is hot but no one is attractive, does that make sense?
Today Iāve thought a lot about the long term effects of social isolation. I know why weāre doing it and I strongly believe in it but it does get hard. Annastasia Steele isnāt really allowed to see her friends either : (
Someone in this movie is proposing in a nightclub to Annastasiaās friend but earlier that day we saw another blonde woman touch his face. Oh my god they are dancing in a bar. Itās CROWDED.
Now theyāre on a private jet.
Now theyāre back in the dungeon and he has jeans on again and I am not understanding the jeans thing at all. Perhaps another allegory.
Perhaps I donāt know what allegory means.
LOL ok sheās pregnant now. Sheās gonna have a kid with the guy who wonāt let her have drinks with friends.
Heās mad because he HAD PLANS FOR US and he wanted to GIVE HER THE WORLD.
This man is leaving. Heās mad at her for getting pregnant but blows in her while wearing his jeans like 30 times a week. Incredible.
Iām actually starting to feel better. This is actually starting to make me feel better.
He just showed up at home drunk. His acting is very bad in this scene and that too makes me feel good. Heās no longer mad that she went and got pregnant. He hasnāt told a joke this whole movie.
Heās like talking to her belly saying that the baby is going to take her from him. Guys, this is a red alert. Annastasia is in danger. Donāt marry someone who gets jealous of their own unborn son. We all know what that leads to.
She just told the bodyguard theyāre leaving for work in 20 minutes and then got into the shower and got her hair wet. Impossible.
They just fought because Christian went to see his ex (āa woman that taught you how to fuck as a childā [YIKES]) and Annastasia is prepared to have this baby without him.
The random assailant just called her and is saying he abducted Rita Ora? He says he wants her job. Damn sheās having a pretty bad day.
Sheās taking 5 million out of some account to pay the assailant and Christian is on the phone saying it doesnāt sound like her. Not sure heās ever listened to a word his wife has said because heās constantly mad at her for being such a poor sub.
Sheās being extorted I guess. This took a real turn.
Oh her like work friend is abducting her now too?
Sheās in the hospital now.
Christian is sorry and I guess wants to have a baby now (even though he expressed toxic worry that sheād love the baby more than him)
Heās bumbling around the kitchen and all the worries of the day (kidnapping, extortion, marital incompatibility) are a thing of the past because Christian is making pasta!
He burned it so in addition to being overly controlling and not funny he is also bad at heating up sauce.
Theyāre visiting his dead birth mom?
Heās back at the piano and I am being treated to a montage which I guess covers all three movies.. Wow these two extremely incompatible people really do love each other.
Oh now theyāre going to have sex.
The movie ended with him walking in front of the camera with his jeans and her smiling.
“You’re topping from the bottom, Mrs. Grey. But I can live with that.’- is the last line in this movie.
I’m bottoming at the bottom of Doug Ford’s Ontario.
WAIT
Thereās an after credit scene of them with a baby and sheās pregnant again. Looks like everything worked out for the white billionaire couple with nary a shred of chemistry between them. Thatās nice.
The movie is over and what I have learned is, some days you feel nice and some days you feel bad and thatās the long and short of it. At least Iām not preg with a cuck millionaireās child who controls my every move and wears jeans when we copulate. A silver lining indeed.
Sorry if you read all that and thanks if you did.
If youāre struggling in these weird strange times I suggest watching the worst movie you can find and drinking exactly two glasses of wine.
This method is Welltried, and works.
X
LOL
Weāre fucked. I didnāt think we were before but now I do. I really do. I made the absolutely shameful mistake of taking a peak at Instagram and people in many other developed countries are literally eating in pubs, getting their hair done, not living under the constant threat of police state, vaccine scarcity, DEATH and the total collapse of the healthcare system.
Once when I was at a voting booth this little old woman turned to me and asked āWhich candidate is Doug Ford?ā to which I replied āPlease donāt talk to me.ā I used to feel pretty bad about this but now I do not. You boned us little old lady, I hope you enjoyed your Buck-A-Beer or whatever the fuck.Ā
All this being said. Here are some ways to cope with the never ending nonsensical murderous classist pandemic response that plagues us all.
ScreamĀ
Just do it. Who cares. Your neighbors will understand.
Start a fight with your partnerĀ
Yeah youāre upset about things that are not at all their fault in any way shape or form. While you should be getting closer to one another through your shared rage, a good way to take your mind off of things is to put your mind onto different things. Ā
Sorrow Order Garlic BreadĀ
You can have bread. That summer beach bod is legally not allowed to be observed by others under these new measures. Nothing matters, get the dips too fuck it.Ā
Call Your Conservative Family Member and Hang Up When They Answer The PhoneĀ
Do it all night. Make a pattern so they can predict it and then switch up the intervals. Keep em on their toes.Ā
Order Another Pair of Slacks OnlineĀ
Green, Brown, Black, my motto is you can never have enough of slacks!
Make a Mood Board and Manifest A Brighter FutureĀ
Right now mine just says ādonāt get covidā ‘don’t give anyone covid’ and āslacksā over a photo of 90ās era Skeet Ulrich.Ā
Read the RepliesĀ
I generally donāt recommend this because people on the internet are the worst existing ghouls, but we have all collectively joined the same team at this point and its cathartic to watch people bully the Conversative Leaders responsible for this absolute fucking catastrophe.Ā
Go Outside AnywayĀ
I am all for measures. I am all for masks, but transmission from outside is low. People exercising or walking are not super spreading this thing all over town. When I leave the house, I am safe. I treat others respectfully and give them space. I will absolutely lose my mind if Iām not able to exercise or go on a walk. The threat of a 750 dollar fine looms, which is big for an out of work person who writes a blog that no one reads. But Iām doing it anyway.Ā
Do 15 Bicep Curls and Look At Photos Of Sarah ConnorĀ
No explanation needed.Ā
Protect The Racialized andĀ Marginalized People that will be for sure Disproportionally Targeted By Police For Their Newly Legal Random ChecksĀ
Record, intervene, use your privilege in any way you can if you see this kind of shit happening.
Our Government is trying to police their way out of a pandemic. What else could we expect from Doug Ford, the answer to the question, what if the feeling of cleaning someone elseās urine from a toilet seat were a person.
Do your best, stay tough and share any tips you have for managing in these most trying times.
Yes.
I spent the past week and weekend mostly unplugged. If youāve been reading these posts you know that I am currently not working. I write this blog to help keep structure and discipline and creativity flowing and also because I canāt sit around in my house all day doing nothing. Last week I made it a goal to be as active as possible to see if it would help my mood. Sometimes I canāt tell if I am actually depressed or if it is just the gaining force of 12 long months of social isolation and pandemic anxiety.
I recently bought a bike and am finding my bike rides wholly enjoyable if only because no matter what endorphins are released through exercise. I am in the business of finding long term sustainable sources of dopamine and endorphins.
Everyday last week I took my bike or just my legs to the beach or to the forest for a hike or bike ride. The weather was mostly nice so I tried to spend as much as I could of it outside.
Thereās something very holistic about walking around in nature getting a little dirty and pretending you are Kate from Lost. Forest bathing or āshin-rin yokuā in Japenese (where the term originates) means to walk in the forest taking in the atmosphere with all of your senses. No music, no running, just trying to take in the sights, sounds, textures and smells.
I am on the somewhat skeptical side and irony-poisoned to a fault. I do Yoga and Meditation but I am super turned off by all of the woo-woo language around it. Iād love to believe in energies and auras and all that but I donāt. When I first heard of forest bathing I thought it was very dumb. I wondered what could possibly be gleaned from walking around in the forest alone, but am sometimes (often) a judgemental idiot who takes being proven wrong in stride (afterall, I am not fully formed, I am still learning and changing every minute)
Forest bathing feels good. I spent 5 of out the last 7 days waking up in the morning, putting on rain boots or running shoes and taking my judgemental ass into the woods to see what I could be taught from being presently engaged with nature.
I walked around feeling sun or rain on my face wholly disconnected from phone, acting world, professional anxiety and roommate, money, covid woes. I took my time and smelled the earth and vegetation and spring air.Ā
At first I thought āwhat is the point of thisā but on day 3 I realized the point of anything is just to experience. To experience people, places and things.
I am lucky enough to be in a covid bubble with like-minded people who enjoy getting into the woods so I was able to take part in a nice long hike with fire one of the days. We had a couple of drinks and built a fire and someone asked what actually makes us happy. It was a tough question to answer because a lot of really asinine things make me happy and I would not want to share them aloud. But the thing that makes me most happy is presence and connection. Being present with people and with the world around me. That was a revelation that I happened upon in the forest. The people I love the most are the ones who are present. Forest bathing forces you to be present.
After the afternoon in the forest with pals I felt nourished in a really good way. When got home around 10-11pm and though I was exhausted, I felt good. Really good.Ā
Itās a boneheaded concept to say āNature makes me feel good!ā and a lot of you are probably reading this going āobviously you stupid bitchā but sometimes you can know things are good for you and still not bother to do them. Sometimes you feel like the good feelings you get from a hike arenāt worth the energy it takes to go do one but after some (definitely scientific) research my conclusion it is. It works. Forest bathing works. It feels good and is mood boosting.
If youāre looking to just feel in your body and to lose a touch of the stress from living through a literal fucking plague. I canāt suggest it enough. If youāre overwhelmed or anxious or just generally having a low mood, go walk around in the forest.
This method is Welltried and works.
x
So here in Ontario weāre smack back into another lockdown, or stay at home order, or whatever. Weāve been in this for the better part of like 7 months. Haircuts, patios and gyms have all been out of the question for a while, however the bumbling sentient Tim Hortonās honey cruller that governs our province gave us a dollop of fresh hope two weeks ago, leading many of us to believe that the end was in fact in sight. ALAS, today there are 4k cases, overrun ICUs and we are back at square one. No patios, no haircuts, no vaccines for front line workers, no structured vaccine rollout plan, just pure unadulterated clownery.
So it begs the question, how do we stay positive when it feels like the levy is about break. Every person managing throughout this pandemic is living their own unique dour existence be it couples quarantining in eachotherās assholes or parents having to work a full time job as well as ensure their kid is learning via online instruction.
I havenāt worked since December 13th when I finished a 3 month long background job on Good Witch Season 7 (best job ever by the way and I miss Middleton with my whole entire heart everyday) and being out of work is its own fresh hell.
We all have our unique challenges with this pandemic but we have one thing in common, we are all just trying to cope. The horizon looks grey and bleak, and the uncertainty weighs heavy on our minds and shoulders.
So Iāve made a little list of things that might be helpful when it comes to keeping our spirits high and the noose from our necks.
Just do it. Do it as much as you want. Spend money to make it comfortable and cozy and really indulge in it. Our waking hours are so full of stress that we need zās to repair and restore our minds and bodies, readying us for another day in the plague.
I know. Itās shitty to say exercise when most of us barely have the mental energy to make coffee but every article, website, tweet, youtube vid, book and conversation with my roommate recommends it. I get it, itās hard and uncomfortable and vulnerable but once you get over the hump of the first day itās easier. The benefits are almost instantaneous and something nice to look forward to is looking hot in public if we are ever allowed to be there again.
Watch a garbage show (I recommend Blown Away, there is a bad boy of glass blowing and things *heat up*) listen to music you used to enjoy when you were younger or more emotional (The Used) put on a hot outfit and dance in the mirror pretending youāre at studio 54 (personal fav) mix all of the remnants of remaining alcohol in your house into one fun disgusting cocktail, nap in the daytime, pet a dog, take a long hot shower, whatever your little treat to yourself is, do it. Just do it. Who cares anymore.
Okay this one sounds insane but you are a broken person if you do not find maps interesting. I can look at a map for hours. I can look at a map and then see a little place, google that little place and learn about it. I can do this for a considerable amount of time. Traveling is off limits right now, but once we kick this thing it will open again and a lot of places will be horny as hell for tourism. So start peeking and planning.
May I suggest Melancholia? Or perhaps Titanic? The world is not ending it just feels like it is right now but itās not. Take heart, things may feel bad but you arenāt plunging to your death from the decks of the Titanic and that is something to be grateful for š
Buy yourself some dumb little thing that you want. I currently have ROLLERBLADES in my cart on amazon. Forget about being good and make yourself feel nice. If we’re stuck in the house for four more weeks why not try to make them fun.
Time is moving faster and stranger than ever and even if things feel terrible in our day to day, its still important to hug our lives and be grateful. It looks bleak and ugly but things canāt be bad all of the time. There is always balance.
If youāre struggling Iām right there with you, but hopefully this helps š
I boned it you guys.
I failed so spectacularly. In fact I am about to go to Value Village right now to fail more.
I guess the sweet sensuous pull of one warm day excited me too much to keep my promise to myself. I still agree that vacuous shopping for the hell of it is a capitalistic trap that makes us feel more alive only when weāre consuming, but I just wanted to look nice in a new pair of loafers.
The dopamine hits were good but few of them were worth it. So in the spirit of full disclosure here is a list of my shameful purchases:
I made an order from Princess Polly (that I am sending back in its entirety)Ā
I bought a snakeskin Artizia wrap dress from Common Sort in Toronto that fits ok
I bought a pair of Zara wide leg jeans (I like these more than some of my loved ones)
I bought a faux leather mini skirt (perfect for ā¦.being in the house???)
I bought a basic black H&M tank top and sneaker socks (for all of my athletic endeavours)
I bought a pink bralette from Three Fates.Ā
I bought a pink top shop shirt.
And Iām heading to Value Village to hopefully score a couple of good books, maybe a nice pair of sandals, a dress and a rain jacket.
I thought it would be good to tell the truth about failing my low-buy/no-buy month just in case you failed it too. I think in regular circumstances I wouldnāt have failed it but the Pandy makes everything just a bit tougher. Nice days are so revered, and the little validations from strangers (at gyms, on the street, at work etc) are fewer and further between. Now that you can barely see anyoneās faces, style feels that much more important as a means of expression.Ā
I am in midst of building a wardrobe based on David Kibbeās Systems so some shopping will ensue but Iām hoping to build a more sustainable closet filled with things that fit and look nice and are better quality, and once that is finished hopefully so is my spending issue. (More to come)
We will categorize this experiment as Well… Tried.
x
Welcome back Little Birdies,
Instagram recently announced that they would be making what is basically a child friendly version of the app (because they havenāt yet cornered the 13 and under market). In light of their Facebook headed demon-ry I thought Iād compile a little list of great things that happened since Iāve left the app. If youāre thinking of quitting (or for some god forsaken reason letting your child have an account) let these lessons be your guide. Great things happen when you log off.Ā
1. Iām Not As Lonely As I Thought
Spending time on the app scrolling through peopleās lives often made me unsatisfied with my own. It made me feel lonely because though youāre engaging with peopleās content, youāre not actually connecting with it.
āStudies suggest that using Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and similar social media apps to keep in touch with friends and forge off-line connections can add vitality and communion to your life. But if you are spending hours every day using social media mainly as a substitute for real connection, your feelings of loneliness and inadequacy will likely worsen.ā (psych.com/net)
Now that I donāt use the app,, I am more comfortable with my little life. I see people from time to time and make the most of it when Iām with them to tide me over until Iām social again. I am lonely but not the same way.
2. My Self Esteem is Better
Iām not constantly inundated with images of influencers, models, products telling me that I am a small and horrific ogre. Iām not constantly seeing clothes that I absolutely do not need or photoshopped imagery that signals I am not enough. Iām fine.
3. The Feeling Like I Donāt Exist Unless Iām Perceived is Gone
Do you ever feel like you donāt exist unless someone sees you? Like whatās the point of doing certain things unless you can share them and other people can see you doing them? Iām ashamed to admit that I felt this way. I used to do things and be excited to share them as if it made me a person worth knowing. But the truth is, I am still that person, I still do cool things, I just donāt exploit them for likes.
4. Validation Seeking Has Lessened
Iām ok, I donāt need a random guy I used to work with simping all over my selfie to feel that way. I donāt need others to tell me Iām good. I donāt need others unsolicited opinions (positive or negative) to feel like I am worthy or succeeding. My self esteem isnāt predicated on likes or men in my DMs saying I have pretty eyes.
5. I Am Out Of Contact
The sweet delicious joy of being out of reach. Itās harder to contact me now and the people who want to do so in a meaningful way. Everyone has an expectation that people are readily available to answer texts or DMs and Itās become a boundary for me. My phone is not in my hand when Iām with people. I am not available 24 hours a day. I am an antiquated fossil human reading books and making charcuterie boards and I will respond to you via phone-call or text when my fossil things are done.
6. I Donāt Practice Escapism With The App Anymore
I donāt look at other peopleās lives and wish that I were doing what they were doing. Traveling where they were traveling and living where they are living. I confront my own life now and mindfully live in it, when itās good and when itās bad.
7. I Don’t Take Selfies Anymore
Iām still wildly self indulgent (clearly, I write a blog about myself) but in a different way. I used to take selfies as if they were proof of my beauty and not just contrived images taken deliberately on a day where Iām actually wearing makeup. Whatās the point of having 10k photos of yourself? Itās nice to feel nice but itās not nice to live in a world where the only focus is you.
8. My Apartment Is Much Cleaner
There were times when my usage on Instagram would show 2.5-3 hours. 3 Hours! What the hell was I doing on that app for 3 hours. I have more time to do other things, like clean.
I wish I could say that I am one of those people who keeps her place spotless but I have to be honest here. I am not. Im tidy, Im minimal, I donāt have clutter but I do have dust. Or I did. With the free mental time and space i have from Instagram, my place is cleaner than ever.
9. I Can Find Inspiration Elsewhere
Like People, Youtube, Pintrest, VSCO, Nero, Spotify, Tumblr, Books, Online Art Galleries, Biographies, Films, Tv, the list goes on.
10. I am Content
I am content with not being content. Get it? My life doesnāt have to look beautiful. It is beautiful and Iām grateful and happy to be living it even if it isnāt aesthetically displayed on Instagram.
Instagram is essentially people watching. Itās people watching and window shopping and you can do both of those things for real outside in the ~world~
I know there are good aspects to the app, like staying in touch with people and keeping up with their lives and if you use the app this way, I bow down to you. You are a healthy person, but this post is not for you. If youāre like me and prone to do all of the other toxic shit then I recommend you hightail it out of there. If youāre struggling with self esteem, productivity, imposter syndrome, pure unadulterated envy, romantic jealousy, overspending and discontent in your personal relationships, QUIT NOW. Quit yesterday.
I still have urges to look at clothes and feel little twinges of fomo but the pros at this point so far outweigh the cons that I truthfully do not see myself going back.
I hope these lessons help you if you are struggling with deleting it or using it less.
If youāre struggling, reach out. Iām more than happy to talk you through it.
Godspeed little lambs.
Welltrying 